Thursday, April 23, 2009

Day 16 - Mommy Guilt

Dear Matthew,

Today I began to feel a little guilty for just sitting around and holding you most of the day because, for the most part, all you do is sleep.

But I love holding you. I love listening to your little sighs, your little grunts, and even your little whimpers. You are a wiggle worm, especially when you are trying to go to sleep or when you are attempting to wake up. You stretch your arms and stretch your legs, and even do some tongue calisthenics as you stick your tongue in and out of your mouth repeatedly. When you finally fall asleep, more often than not your arms fall back by the side of your ears, and you hardly move at all. I am constantly placing my hand on your chest to make sure that you are still breathing because when you are content, you are also oh so still, and frankly, it scares me a bit.

So, I decided that today I would put you down more so that I could be productive. But I wasn't productive at all. And then I experienced this thing called "Mommy Guilt" where I ended up feeling pretty darn awful because not only did I neglect you all day (even though you were sleeping contently), but I also didn't accomplish a darn thing (except for getting dressed).

It's evening time, and you are asleep yet again. I am being somewhat productive (documenting your life counts as productive, right?), but I have found a way to alleviate the guilt AND type with both hands.

Sleeping on Mommy's lap is one way to help Mommy alleviate the guilt!

Now if only my leg hadn't fallen asleep...

Love, Mommy

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